


In The Moments You Are Missing

by AndiinaRaethTash



Series: When All We Had Was Eternity [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s01e08 Empire Day, Post-Episode: s01e09 Gathering Forces, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:43:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndiinaRaethTash/pseuds/AndiinaRaethTash
Summary: Fallout: an unexpected or incidental effect, outcome, or product.“Phantom to Ghost, this is Spectre One. We lost our pursuers and ditched the tracking device, but Spectre Six is down.”This wasn't supposed to happen. How had a simple mission gone so wrong when he'd followed the script to the letter?





	1. Collapsing

**Author's Note:**

> I intended to post tomorrow, but I got off work early today, so you all get an early update.  
> I want to start off by saying thank you everyone who read part one of this story, and to everyone who left a comment. I probably read each comment half a dozen times, it makes me so happy to know your thoughts on my work. This is one of the first times I've let anyone read my work, and the love and support you've shown has made my confidence soar.  
> I don't have a beta, so if you notice a mistake, be it in my grammar, spelling, story, or plot, please let me know. I will want to fix it.

“Phantom _to_ Ghost, _this is Spectre One. We lost our pursuers and ditched the tracking device, but Spectre Six is down.”_

_“Copy, Spectre One. What happened? Is he hurt?”_

_“He wasn't hit, no, but prep the medbay. He went down and hasn't woken up. I don't know what's wrong.”_

_“...We'll be ready by the time you dock.”_

** ______ **

The day had started out normal, or as close to normal as the crew of the _Ghost_ got. Kanan had taken Ezra out into the meadow that the freighter was sitting in to practice making connections with animals through the Force. Ezra wasn't exactly a fan of this particular exercise, but Kanan remembered it being useful in the upcoming mission, and besides, Ezra was a natural.

Currently, though, the Loth-cat they were practicing with was not cooperating, and Ezra was getting frustrated. After another failed attempt to connect that resulted in the animal nearly mauling Ezra's face, Kanan sighed.

“I think that's enough for one day. Why don't we do some saber work?”

Ezra instantly brightened. Kanan had to suppress a laugh at how eager the kid was to learn how to duel. “Awesome! So, how're we gonna do this? We've only got one lightsaber…”

Kanan rolled his eyes at Ezra's not-so-subtle hint. Honestly, Ezra’d been bugging him about a ‘saber since he joined the crew. “We'll use sticks for now. You'll get your own laser sword soon enough. Right now I want to make sure you don't accidentally cut your own arm off.”

Ezra scowled but grabbed the long, thin stick that Kanan had brought from the ship. He started to bring it up onto a ready position, but Kanan stopped him.

“No, let's make this a challenge.” At Ezra's confused look, Kanan produced a blindfold, and Ezra simultaneously wilted in dread and tensed in nervous anticipation. Still, he let Kanan tie it around his eyes, exhaling slowly to calm down.

The first round was rather appalling, really. Ezra swung wildly and didn't block most of Kanan's strikes. He stumbled and took at least half a dozen blows before Kanan called a halt.

Ezra angrily pulled the blindfold off and glared at Kanan. “What exactly is the point of this? Are you just trying to humiliate me?”

“No. If I were trying to humiliate you there'd be an audience.” Ezra turned to glare at the ground. “This isn't for my amusement. One day, you might get caught in an environment where you can't use your eyes, or you can't trust them. I need to know that if something like that happens, you'll be okay.”

Ezra didn't say anything, but kept glaring at the ground hard enough that Kanan was surprised it didn't spontaneously catch fire. He sighed. “Ezra.” The kid grudgingly met his eyes. “This is to keep you safe, not a punishment. I can't always be there to protect you, so I have to know you can protect yourself.”

“Then what am I doing wrong? I should be able to do this.” Ezra grumbled.

Kanan smirked. “You're not trusting the Force. Even when you're actually using your eyes, it'll tell you when and where to move. It's what lets us dodge and deflect blaster bolts. It will warn you of danger, even when you can't see it. You just have to listen.”

Ezra nodded and scooped up the blindfold. He handed it to Kanan and turned to let him tie it behind his head. They raised their sticks again, and this time, Kanan knew the match would go well. 

The kid managed to hold his own for a few minutes before tripping over a rock that he hadn't noticed. He groaned from where he was sprawling on the ground and pulled off the blindfold while Kanan smirked. 

“I'd tell you to watch your surroundings, but something tells me you got the idea.”

“How can I watch my surroundings if I can't see anything?” Ezra demanded as he got to his feet, wiping dirt of his jacket.

Kanan shrugged. “Feel your surroundings through the Force. I'll show you how to do that later. Right now, you need a shower. We've got plans for the evening, remember?”

Ezra nodded and started to walk off before Kanan called after him. “Hey, Ezra!” The kid turned, nervous curiosity on his face. Kanan sent him a grin. “You did good today.”

The kid just about beamed and raced back to the _Ghost_ . Kanan watched him go, a smaller but no less genuine smile on his face. _Happy birthday, Ezra Bridger._

**_______**

_“Kanan!”_

_“I've got him, is the medbay set up?”_

_“Yes. Has there been any change?”_

_“None. And I've checked and triple-checked, he's not physically injured. He woke up briefly, or at least opened his eyes, right after he collapsed, but he hasn't so much as twitched since.”_

_“Here, set him down. Is it a Force thing? Can you wake him up?”_

_“I've been trying, but he's not responding. Every time I get close enough to his mind to help, I get shoved out. He's lost and scared, but I can't tell what's wrong or if he's hurting.”_

_“Just keep trying. Ezra, honey, we need you to wake up.”_

** _______ **

Setting the explosives on the TIE fighter prototype was relatively easy. Sabine's fireworks distracted nearly everyone with the colorful explosions she was so fond of. Still, that didn't stop one of the Stormtroopers from noticing Kanan as he pretended to stumble drunkenly back to the crowds. He remembered the patrol, thankfully, so he was able to act convincingly enough that the trooper that he was just some drunk bum enjoying the spectacle. That didn't stop Ezra from trying to help.

“Dad! What're you doing?” Kanan's heart practically leapt at the words. Last time, he'd been too busy hoping the Stormtrooper would just buy the story; this time, he could actually appreciate the way being called ‘dad' felt. 

Ezra didn't actually see him as a father- at least, not yet. That didn't mean that Kanan didn't see him as a son, and knowing that he and Hera would have had a child soon in the other timeline made Kanan inexplicably happy to be called that.

Still, he let Ezra drag him away, dropping all pretense the moment he lost sight of the trooper. As the TIE exploded behind them, the team took off into the streets.

**_______**

_“Ezra!”_

_“Sabine, Zeb, we need you to stay out of the medbay, we don't know what's wrong yet.”_

_“Oh, karabast. Is he even breathing? He looks… “_

_“He's not dead yet. Hera, I'm gonna need a line for fluids. He's going to become dehydrated soon if he doesn't wake up.”_

_“He's so cold.”_

_“Zeb, get a heated blanket from the common room. We need to get his body temperature up. Hera, the line. Sabine, get us to a safe place; the Inquisitor isn't done with us yet.”_

_“Got it.”_

_“On it.”_

_“Ezra, please wake up. We can't lose you.”_

**_______**

Falling out of hyperspace was not fun, this time or last. Gripping the _Phantom's_ controls, Kanan tried to level the ship out and control the spin. Behind him, he could hear Ezra yelp and fall over. “Hold on!” He called over his shoulder, aware that it was a bit late for that advice to be helpful.

Finally, the sublight engines kicked in enough to counteract the inertia from hyperspace. Kanan gritted his teeth as the ship slowed enough for him to take in his surroundings, noting the asteroid field that held the infested base. Just like last time, the plan was to lure the Inquisitor here and use the native fyrnocks to hold them off until the two Jedi could escape. Hopefully without having Ezra touch the Dark Side, this time.

Ezra grabbed the back of Kanan's seat and leaned over his shoulder to get a better look at the asteroid as they made their landing approach. “This place doesn't look any less creepy in daylight,” he muttered.

Kanan snorted. “At least the daylight will give us a place to retreat if this goes badly.”

“You're just full of reassuring thoughts today,” Ezra noted with a forced lighthearted tone as he moved to the back of the shuttle. 

Kanan set the ship down inside the base and stood, stretching to relieve the tension that had built up during the bumpy ride. He followed Ezra out into the shadowy base, patting him on the shoulder as he passed.

“I'll remove the tracking device; you go make some new friends.” Ezra gave him a nervous look and Kanan gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “C'mon, just like we've been practicing.”

He turned to climb up the ship to dislodge the tracking device as Ezra grumbled something about practicing on Loth-cats. He smiled but kept an eye on his Padawan as the kid knelt next to the ship and reached out. 

Ezra tensed as a fyrnock hissed and leapt out of the shadows, slinking around the shuttle with a hungry look in its glowing yellow eyes. The kid reached out a hand and a determined look appeared on his face. Instantly, the creature stilled. It was still staring at Ezra, but this time with more attentiveness and less predatory hunger. Kanan sighed in relief as he threw the tracking device away, then winced as it clattered against the abandoned LAAT. Below him, Ezra was reaching out further, connecting with the dozens of fyrnocks that inhabited the base. Slowly they all gathered in a circle around the _Phantom._

“Well,” Kanan muttered as he jumped down to stand next to Ezra. “That's steps one and two down.”

** _______ **

_“Hey, Ezra, I brought you a birthday present. It's a few days late, but I thought you wouldn't mind. It's that disc we found in your house, I cleaned it up a bit. When you wake up you can look at it._

_“...Tseebo is safe with Hera's contact, or some of her contact's friends, I'm not sure. Anyway, he said to tell you goodbye and to get better._

_“You'd better do it, too. We're all waiting for you, so you don't have any excuse._

_“Please, Ezra. We're… I'm scared you're not going to wake up. Don't make me be right about that.”_

** _______ **

Kanan groaned as he pushed himself up on his elbows. The ground beneath him was shuddering, making it difficult to get his balance even though he was still lying down. In front of him, he could feel the Force raging in a turbulent storm, and the roar of one of the creatures made him look up to see exactly what he hadn't wanted to see.

“Ezra- no!”

The boy was standing at the edge of a cliff, a dark look in his brilliant blue eyes, as rocks and debris on the ground around him began swirling up into the air. The largest fyrnock Kanan had ever seen was climbing up the cliff to stand behind him. The creature roared, a loud guttural sound that shook the ground. Ezra gritted his teeth and urged the creature to attack the Inquisitor in front of him, who had ignited his second blade and was holding Kanan's ‘saber in his off-hand.

The creature leapt past Ezra as Kanan stumbled to his feet. As the Inquisitor hastily stepped back, Kanan rushed toward Ezra, whose eyes had rolled up in his head as his knees buckled. Kanan scooped his fallen blaster off the ground, but he kept his eyes on the crumpled form of his Padawan. He looked so small with his eyes closed and body limp.

Kanan quickly knelt next to Ezra, cradling the boy's head and tapping his cheek to try to wake him up. “Ezra! Ezra, c'mon, you need to wake up. Ezra?”

The kid's eyes fluttered open for a second, and Kanan felt relief bloom in his chest, only to be replaced with dread when his eyes closed again and he didn't move.

“Ezra!”

Behind him, he heard the Inquisitor lose one of his lightsabers, probably Kanan's own, given that he only heard one blade extinguish and it was the one he'd lost last time around. Kanan scooped Ezra- who was much too small for a fifteen-year-old, had he not been eating?- up over his shoulder. As he ran to the _Phantom_ , he called his fallen lightsaber to his hand, only to ignite it a moment later to deflect the Inquisitor's lightsaber, which had been flung at them now that the giant fyrnock had been scared off. Kanan scowled at the Pau’an briefly before turning and ducking inside the ship. He set Ezra down and jumped into the pilot's seat, quickly getting the _Phantom_ off the ground. He made sure to blow up the shuttle the Imperials had brought before quickly calculating a jump to get to the rendezvous with the _Ghost_. 

When the stars finally streaked past them, Kanan sighed in relief before getting up to check on Ezra. He was still out, and Kanan noted how cold he was. He was also barely breathing, only the shallowest rising and falling of his chest proving that he was still alive.

Kanan clenched his jaw. This hadn't happened last time around. Last time, Ezra had woken up almost immediately, even if he was a little shaken. This time, Kanan had no idea what was wrong.

Carefully, he reached out through the Force. The training bond between the two of them wasn't strong enough to tell Kanan anything, so he had to do this the old-fashioned way. As soon as he tried to get close to Ezra's mind, though, he was buffeted away. It was like there was a hurricane in the Force, with Ezra caught in the eye of the storm. 

His jaw tightened as fear slowly made its home in his chest. This wasn't good. He quickly examined Ezra's body, making sure he hadn't missed an actual injury that could be the cause, but he didn't find so much as a scratch. This really wasn’t good.

_Dammit, Ezra, why won't you wake up?_

**_______**

_“Hey, kid. So, it's my turn to keep you company._

_“Not really sure what to say, and I don't like sitting in silence, so… I never thought I'd miss you in the bunk above me. You're annoying, loud, and have absolutely no respect for other people's property, but you're our kid. So you can't let this beat you._

_“One of Hera's contacts got us onto a medical frigate. Not sure how, but they're discreet and don't ask the wrong kind of questions. Some of the best doctors in the galaxy, and they can't figure out what's wrong._

_“C'mon, kid, six days is too long to spend napping. Kanan's worried sick, Sabine hasn't done anything useful since you got back, Hera's been obsessively cleaning the ship to keep busy, even Chopper's been subdued. See, you can't keep…. You need to wake up, kid. We need you to wake up.”_


	2. Convalescing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit later than I meant to update today, but real life has an unfortunate habit of happening, so...  
> I'm going to be honest, while I've got a rough schedule mapped out in my head, I'm debating just posting a new chapter/part of the series a day. I'll leave it up to you guys.  
> As usual, feel free to leave a comment, you have no idea how much better I feel about posting this when I know what you guys are thinking.

It was Hera's turn to keep watch over Ezra when Kanan felt something brush his mind, tugging on the bond he shared with his Padawan before quickly recoiling. He tensed, making Sabine whip around to give him a worried look. They were in the common room of the _Ghost_ , waiting for something- anything- to happen.

“What is it?” She asked nervously.

“I think he's awake.” Kanan said as he stood and ran along the familiar route through the two ships to get to the medbay in the medical frigate they were docked with. As he rushed through the door, he could hear Hera's voice giving reassurances as the sound of something hitting the wall and breaking reached his ears. 

He froze when he could see Ezra in the farthest bed, sitting up and looking around wildly. One of the machines he'd been hooked up to was on the floor several feet from the bed, as if he'd thrown it with the Force. Hera was in front of him, arms raised in a calming gesture, speaking softly to reassure him.

Seeing Ezra sitting up was a relief, but it was nothing compared to the feeling that swept through him, nearly making him collapse as tension left his body, when Ezra spoke.

“Hera?” His voice was a hoarse whisper, and he winced as if speaking hurt. He didn't seem to notice Kanan, or Sabine as she skidded into the room behind him.

Hera nodded and moved a little closer to the bed Ezra was in as the boy seemed to finally be calming down. “Yeah, it's me. You're on a medical frigate, you've been out for several days. How're you feeling?”

Ezra blinked hard as if trying to decipher what she'd said. “Um… tired. I'm aching a bit. What happened? How'd you get me back?”

Hera frowned, confusion slowly gathering on her face as she tried to figure out what he meant. “Get you back? What do you mean?”

Kanan finally unfroze. “I brought you back with me.”

At the sound of Kanan's voice, Ezra tensed up again, whipping around to face him with a wild look in his eyes. Kanan winced as the Force storm around his Padawan suddenly ratcheted up several notches. Why was Ezra so… was he _scared_ of him?

“Ezra?” He asked, taking a cautious step forward. As soon as he did, Ezra tensed further before suddenly launching himself off the bed to put it between himself and Kanan. He wobbled a bit, unsteady on his feet, but he kept his eyes on Kanan, pinning him in place with a dark glare.

“Ezra!” Hera called out the instant he moved. She tried to dart forward to get him back on the bed, but he raised a hand and actually shoved her back, pinning her against the wall with a Force grip. She struggled as he kept his eyes on Kanan.

Behind the Jedi, Sabine tensed and drew her weapons, keeping them pointed at the ground but ready to shoot in a moment's notice. Kanan sent her a look that told her to stand down before turning back to his Padawan.

“Ezra? What's wrong?”

Ezra shook his head, practically snarling as he whispered fiercely, “Get _out_ of my head.”

“Ezra, let Hera go, now.” Sabine stepped around Kanan, leveling her blasters at him.

Ezra growled and threw out his other hand. Instantly, Sabine's blasters flew from her hands, landing on the floor behind Ezra.

At the sudden movement, Kanan jumped. “Ezra!” He barked. “Stand down, _now._ You're going to hurt someone, and I know you'll regret it later if you do.”

Ezra shook his head again, but the anger was leaking away, leaving fear- mindless panic and terror combined- in its wake. “No. No, you're not real. None of this is _real._ ” At the last word, something in him seemed to break and he crumpled, hitting the floor with a sob and dropping Hera.

Kanan was moving before he even thought about it. As he ran around the bed, he saw Hera slowly getting to her feet again out of the corner of his eye. Kneeling in front of his shaking Padawan, he reached out and set his hand on Ezra's shoulder, squeezing slightly in reassurance.

“Ezra, it's okay.” He whispered softly as Ezra continued to sob, the sound chipping away at Kanan's heart. “We've got you, you're safe. The nightmare's over. We've got you.”

Behind him, one of the med droids floated up with a hypospray in one of its limbs. _About time,_ Kanan thought as the droid eased past him to inject the contents of the spray into Ezra's neck. The moment the needle touched his skin, Ezra tensed again, as if preparing to fight it off, but an instant later, the sedative was in his bloodstream and he went limp again.

Hera approached slowly, rubbing her elbow where she'd hit it on the floor. “What was that? Why'd he freak out? I've seen him scared before, but I've never seen him _attack_ someone like that.”

Kanan shook his head, at a loss as he gently picked Ezra up and laid him back down on the bed. “I have no idea, but that wasn't him being freaked out.” He turned and met Hera's eyes. “He was _terrified_.”

She frowned. “He was okay at first. He panicked when you came in.”

“Why?” Sabine asked as she moved to pick up her blasters. “Kanan's, like, his favorite. Why would he freak out when he saw him?”

Kanan shrugged helplessly, watching the med droid take Ezra's vitals. “I don't know. I can't tell what's going on in his head, there are shields in the way.”

“Are they his?” Hera asked, looking alarmed at Kanan's word choice. 

Kanan shrugged again and repeated, “I don't know.”

_______

Ezra remained unconscious for the rest of the day. After much discussion, it was decided that Kanan and Zeb would stay on watch, to make sure he was calm- or at least calmer- when he woke up again. After all, they were the only two who could overpower him if he wasn't, given his particular skill set. 

The paralyzing fear of waiting before had been replaced by agitated confusion. Zeb was pacing outside the door of the separate room the medics had moved Ezra into after his outburst, and Kanan was trying to meditate in the uncomfortable chair that was apparently mandatory in every hospital and medbay room.

The operative word there was _trying._ As hard as he tried to shove his emotions away and sink into the Force, he simply couldn't concentrate on anything but the steady _blip-blip_ of Ezra's heart monitor. 

It was early the next morning when the steady rhythm began to change. Kanan barely noticed it at first, as focused as he was on trying to meditate, but eventually something alerted him to the change and he opened his eyes to see Ezra's sapphire ones staring unfocused at the ceiling.

“Ezra?” He whispered softly, leaning toward the bed as much as he could without actually getting up.

At the sound of Kanan's voice, Ezra blinked and tensed slightly. “Kanan?” He mumbled, disbelief in his voice.

Seeing that Ezra was significantly calmer this time, Kanan breathed a sigh of relief and gave him a half-smile. “Yeah, kid, it's me. How're you feeling? You've been out for nine days now.”

Ezra blinked slowly before answering, “Um, okay, I guess.” His voice was dopey, like he was still half asleep or on very strong meds. Most likely a combination of the two, actually.

Kanan nodded. “Good, that's good. You need to go back to sleep, though. I don't think you're completely better yet.”

Ezra made a grumbling noise in protest like the teenager he was, and Kanan's smile widened. He shifted the seat a bit closer to the bed and ruffled Ezra's hair. “Sleep, kid. You'll feel better when you wake up.”

Ezra leaned into the touch slightly, but moaned when Kanan pulled away. “No… don't go, Kanan.”

Hesitantly, Kanan returned his hand to Ezra's head, letting it rest there. “Okay, kid. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise.” 

Ezra made a contented noise before his breathing evened out and he fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly filler, I guess. I know some of you are wanting to know why he went comatose, but explanations will have to wait until next chapter. Again, let me know if you want updates every day rather than every couple of days.


	3. Connecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm too impatient to wait a couple days between updates, you guys' reactions are making me too excited to wait! So an update a day it is. My work schedule's a bit weird, so when in the day the update will be will vary a little, but that will be my schedule from now on.   
> I'm going to be honest, this is probably my least favorite part of the series, but a few plot points become relevant in one of the later parts, so it needed to be written.  
> And oh my stars! You guys' reactions are the best. Thank you so much for your compliments and theories, it gives me so much joy to read them.

As it turned out, that was a promise Kanan was unable to keep. A couple hours later, Hera had come into Ezra's room, told Kanan that they were all leaving and then promptly ordered him to go to bed. He understood why; he'd been up for nearly a full rotation at that point, but he hated the fact that he wouldn't be there when Ezra woke up.

After they moved the kid back to his own bunk on the  _ Ghost  _ and separated from the medical frigate, Kanan went to his room and collapsed on his bunk. He was out like a light the moment his head hit the pillow.

When he woke up nearly eleven hours later, he felt tense and scared, and he was covered in sweat, but it took him a minute to realize that the emotions weren't his, they were leaking through his bond with his Padawan. Which shouldn't have been possible. They were still building up the bond, and were barely at the empathic stage. All they could basically feel through it was that the other existed, and whether or not they were nearby. Occasionally Kanan had been able to communicate ideas across it, but that was with effort. Having emotions that strong leak through…. The kid must have been projecting pretty hard. Which meant he was back to being panicked.

The instant that realization hit him, Kanan was wide awake and sprinting out of his room. He could feel that the others were all gathered in the common room, even Ezra, who'd been in his room last time Kanan had checked. As he drew closer, he slowed down to hear what the others were saying.

"Ezra, we left Lothal, like, eleven days ago. We've been in space since then, waiting for you to wake up." Sabine was saying.

"You're saying you don't remember what happened after that?" Zeb asked as the door opened for Kanan.

Ezra had his back to the door, but the others looked up the instant he walked in. Everyone but Chopper was sitting on the crash couch, the droid nowhere to be seen.

Hera smiled in relief. Whatever was going on with Ezra, she didn't understand it, and that scared her. "You're up. I was about to have Sabine go get you."

Ezra whipped his head around to see who Hera was talking to, although he should have put it together. Everyone but Kanan was in there; who else was he expecting? The moment he saw him, though, Ezra froze again, blinking hard like he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Kanan?" He whispered in disbelief.

Kanan tried for a smirk, but he knew it came out more concerned than a smirk should have been. "Hey, kid, how're you feeling?"

Ezra gaped at him mutely for a minute before launching himself out of his seat. Kanan tensed, expecting Ezra to try to attack again, but instead the kid practically tackled Kanan in a hug, burying his face in Kanan's chest. Kanan stumbled back slightly, then wrapped his arms around the trembling kid.

"Okay…" Zeb stared. "Am I the only one who's confused about what just happened?"

Kanan just met the Lasat's eyes and shrugged helplessly. He looked down at the mop of blue hair that was pressed against his sternum and rubbed its owner on the back. "Hey, you okay? You're pretty shaken up, do you know what happened?"

Ezra shook his head slightly, but didn't say anything or release his hold on Kanan, who hummed slightly in concern. Ezra's disorientation, his sudden clinginess after being terrified when he saw him, the Force storm that had surrounded him since the asteroid base… suddenly pieces clicked in Kanan's head and he held onto Ezra just a little tighter. Of course. He'd had a vision.

Softly, Kanan asked, "How bad was it?"

Ezra's voice was muffled when he answered, but that didn't stop his words from sending icy waves of fear through Kanan's veins. "Dying? Surprisingly peaceful." He muttered something else, but whatever he said was inaudible over the startled gasps from the rest of the crew.

" _ Dying _ ?" Hera exclaimed, sitting bolt upright, her eyes wide with alarm. Zeb and Sabine had similar expressions, and Kanan was sure his mirrored theirs as well.

Trying to regain his composure, Kanan rubbed Ezra's back again before pulling away slightly so he could look the kid in the eyes. "Ezra," he said gently. "It was just a vision. Whatever you saw wasn't real."

Ezra shook his head, stepping away from Kanan. The fear was back in his expression, and it hurt Kanan to see that fear directed towards him. "No, it was real. I  _ know  _ it was real." 

"Kid," Zeb said, standing to move behind Ezra, like he was trying to cut off his retreat. "You're not dead. As far as I know, you've never been dead. Come close, but-"

"Ezra," Sabine interrupted, leaning across the table toward him. "If what you saw was real, and you actually… you know, how could you be here now?"

Turning away from Kanan, Ezra seemed to shrink into himself as he wrapped his arms protectively around his chest. "Then this is a dream, or a vision, or..." As Kanan stared at him blankly, trying to figure out how to respond, Ezra abruptly straightened defiantly. "Or another trick."

Kanan's mind seemed to have decided to quit working, because nothing he was saying was making any kind of sense. The others didn't seem to be any better off, just staring at Ezra numbly as he glared at all of them. The change from the clingy kid to the suspicious soldier was abrupt; it was also part of what was confusing Kanan so much. The kid had gone through some crap, but he was no soldier.

Finally Kanan choked out, "Ezra…" His voice died as he realized he had no idea what to say. After a heartbeat, he managed, "Kid, this isn't a vision or hallucination or  _ trick. _ Why would you even think that?"

Ezra scowled and crossed his arms defensively across his chest. "Because I'm not an idiot. If he's done it once, he can do it again. I'm not gonna fall for it."

That didn't help Kanan understand anything. This vision must have been worse than bad. How intense must it have been to convince Ezra that reality was false? What had he seen that had scared him so badly? More importantly, how was Kanan supposed to convince him that he was safe and not seeing things? He could feel his student's panic through the Force bond, even though he was doing a good job hiding it. If he didn't convince him soon, he might attack again.

Wait. The Force bond.

"Ezra, lower your shields."

At Kanan's command, Ezra's scowl deepened and his hands dropped to his sides, balling into fists. "What, so you can get inside my head? Pass."

Kanan suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "I won't try to get inside your head, I promise. But you've got your shields up so tight that you can't even sense anything, can you? If you just drop them a bit, you can feel that what I'm telling you is the truth."

Ezra just shook his head. "Or give you enough leverage to get in."

Zeb huffed. "Not like he hasn't been in your head before. Isn't that what happens every time you do the Force bond thingie?"

Kanan nodded and reached out toward Ezra, who backed away warily. "Yes, it is. Kid, please, at least the ones around our bond. Please. You're scaring us."

Ezra batted away his hand as he brought it nearer. "Our bond is gone. There's nothing left to shield."

Kanan blinked. So, he  _ had _ died on this vision. Great. If he'd seen part of the future Kanan was from- and specifically that part- then Kanan hadn't changed enough to change that series of events. Trying to contain his fear, he stepped a little closer to his Padawan before kneeling in front of him, so that they were practically on the same level.

"Ezra," he said softly. "Our bond is still there. It will  _ always _ be there, even if I'm not. Please. You've taken leaps of faith before; on the chance that this is real, don't you owe it to yourself to take another one?"

Ezra hesitated, and then Kanan felt the walls blocking him from his Padawan ease just a little, and Ezra's fear poured through stronger, but even as it did, he could feel Ezra's disbelief as he realized that he was actually seeing his Master. With a sudden sob, Ezra crumpled again, only for Kanan to catch him, and hold the shaking kid against his chest. As the older Jedi whispered soft reassurances to his Padawan, he thought he heard Ezra whisper, " _ Dad. _ "

Whether or not the word was his imagination, Kanan didn't know. As the others finally left, realizing the need for privacy, Kanan's arms tightened around Ezra. Whatever he'd seen, Kanan would fight harder to make sure it didn't happen.

He’d been being subtle before in how he’d changed things. A few words here, a different tone of voice there. That wouldn’t be enough. If he was going to keep Ezra and the other  _ safe _ \-- if he was going to get them through this war  _ alive _ \-- he had to become more active. He wouldn’t let Ezra be alone, he wouldn’t abandon Hera to raise their child alone. He would do everything in his power to protect them all.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should apologize. So, sorry? Next part should be up Tuesday.


End file.
